I Never
by Even Gods Dream
Summary: You know the game 'I Never', right? The one that involves lots of alcohol and embaressing confessions. When Tai has a free house, he suggests that him and Matt have a game, but doesn't know how wierd its going to get. [AU, Taito] COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

_For Eddi, because even if she doesn't read it, without her free house, deck of cards and lengthy supply of food and drink, there'd have been no inspiration to write this story._

I dont own Digimon. **

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**I Never**

Part I: I Never Made A Romantic Mistake

In a dimly lit kitchen with cans, bottles and half-eaten microwave meals strewn carelessly around, as music thumped violently, two boys sat facing each other at the kitchen table. They were best friends, though to look at them you wouldn't think so. One had blonde hair, just reaching his chin, it was well tamed and styled neatly, flicking out in all the right places. He was pale and thin, his face gaunt and hauntingly beautiful with placid eyes of an icy pale azure, almost resembling peaceful winter lakes. He wore tight black jeans that frayed out slightly below the knees with a tight black t-shirt that sported a white band logo. He stared across at the boy opposite as he put down a card onto the pile between them. In contrast, the opposite boy had wild, untamed brunette hair that stuck out in all directions. Though messy, it somehow handsomely framed his well structured and tanned face. His eyes were light brown on the outside fading to a darker chocolate brown centre that neatly lined his large pupils. They were wide, cheerful eyes, filled with emotion. His body was slim yet well toned and muscular, dressed in khaki ¾ lengths and a blue jersey plastered in the name and logos of his favourite soccer team. The brunette glared at the blonde, daring him to pick up the last down-turned card in front of him and place it on the pile.

"And Matt wins!" the blonde stated smugly, throwing down his last card, a two, onto the pile before leaning backwards and flexing out his arms with a smile of victory.

The brunette boy, Tai, groaned and took a swig from the can of beer in his hand.

"Hey, here's to my mother taking Kari away for the weekend, leaving me with a free house!" Tai laughed, raising his can toward the blonde in an attempt to take both boys' minds away from his defeat.

"I'll drink to that!" Matt met Tai's can with his own, then each took a sip from their drink in celebration of the free house Tai very rarely had.

"How about another game?" Tai suggested cheerfully, "Not cards though,"

"What then?"

"Hmmm," Tai put a finger to his chin in thought, "I Never?"

"Fair enough," Matt agreed, taking a sip and finishing his can, "But first we'll need more drinks," he leant sideways and opened the fridge, pulling out two ciders. He put one in front of him and threw the other one at Tai, who caught it perfectly.

"Bit eager aren't you? Tryin' to get me drunk?" The brunette joked with a wink.

"Shut up Tai. Lets just play your game," Came the typical Matt reply.

"You know the rules? 'I never…' something, and if you have done it you drink,"

"Right,"

"Good. So, I never… embarrassed myself in front of a crowd," Tai joked, recalling Matt's embarrassing stumble on stage with his band the night before.

"Now who's trying to get who drunk?" The musician glared before taking a swig of cider.

"Sorry! It was too hard not too!" Tai beamed. Matt hated him for never being embarrassed about a thing, but hey, all the more drink for him, right?

"Fine. I never ate and drank so much I spent the next day puking," Matt knew Tai had done it more than a few times, and so had he once or twice, which enabled him to take a sip of his own drink.

"I like my food and alcohol, okay?!" Tai moaned defensively, wiping his mouth after taking a large drink from his can. The secret was that Tai did get embarrassed, but only in front of a few people. Matt was one of them. He always felt extremely ashamed when the pretty blonde had to cancel his plans for the day just to look after him because he'd foolishly had too much fun the night before.

"Whatever," Matt dismissed Tai's excuse.

"I never messed up in front of a crowd and got away with it without people noticing," to which both drank; Tai for a soccer game and Matt for a gig.

"I never wished my hair was tameable," Matt smiled slyly at Tai. Tai hesitantly took a small sip from his can, trying to hide a faint blush that worked its way across his cheeks.

"I never wished my skin had **some sort** of pigment," he retaliated. Now this was getting personal. Matt cocked an eyebrow at the brunette and took a long sip, blushing as he did so, then gazed across at the brunette, trying to find some surface imperfection he could pick at him for.

"I never wished my cheeks weren't so chubby," Matt laughed, having nothing else to retaliate with. Tai looked at him with cocked eyebrows and a sort of pitying smile.

"Drink getting to you Matt?" He mocked.

"Shut up!" Matt pouted, "And maybe," he added, suppressing a giggle.

Tai rolled his eyes and stood up, "Care to finish this game in front of a movie?" he suggested before stumbling slightly as he felt the alcohol rush to his head.

"Sure," Matt laughed at his friends drunken stumbling, then stood up and stumbled himself, which just made both boys laugh harder.

Tai held back an affectionate smile for his rock star friend. He adored drunken Matt. Drunken Matt always had so much more life in him and he let go of that slightly pretentious 'lets-be-serious-and-hide-our-emotions' vibe.

-

The two boys staggered and tripped their way into the lounge after calming down and grabbing a healthy supply of alcohol to take with them. Tai slipped a DVD into the machine and the boys settled at opposite ends of the sofa. They continued their game over the voices of the film, trying to make each other as uncomfortable and embarrassed as they could.

"Okay, I never went out with someone I wasn't attracted to," Tai submitted. Matt drank.

"You talking about Sora?" Tai frowned, fairly threatening.

Matt had broken up with Sora just over a week ago without giving her or anyone else a specific reason. He looked across at Tai guiltily, but stayed silent.

"That's a yes then," Tai muttered. Usually Tai would jump anyone that hurt Sora, but Matt was a different story. You can't attack your best friend. '_Plus,'_ Tai thought to himself rather slyly, _'if Matt wasn't attracted to **her**, maybe I - No**, no**!'_ He shook his head to rid himself of the thought; it was the drink thinking, wasn't it? But why then was it so often that he found himself denying similar thoughts even when he was sober?

Matt looked over at his brunette friend feeling strangely defeated. True, he'd broken up with Sora because he wasn't attracted to her, but honestly, that wasn't the half of it. How on earth was he supposed to explain it all to Tai? There was no way he'd understand. But why then did he sometimes catch the soccer player looking at him with a glint in his eyes that suggested that just maybe he felt the same?

Attempting to shrug off the thought, Matt grabbed his drink and barked out another 'I Never'.

--

The statements gradually got stranger and sillier as the boys' brains rested and the drink took over. Feeling sleepy, Matt slowly adjusted himself into a comfier position and ended up with his head softly resting against Tai's shoulder.

As he felt Matt's head against him, Tai's heart skipped a beat. _'Forget it, Tai, he's just drunk and tired,' _he silently told himself, _'Why should you care anyway? You're just mates and you both know that,' _he added forcefully, though something deep inside his head told him differently. Once again, he blamed it on the alcohol, the nearest scapegoat.

-

And so 'I Never…' continued as the boys became more intoxicated and the statements became even more ridiculous.

-

Drunker than before, Tai adjusted in his seat and ended up leaning his body more into Matt, resting his chin on the blonde's head and placing an arm loosely around his shoulders. By this time, both boys' voices were slow and slurred and neither had much control over what they were saying.

"I never… wished a moment could last forever," Matt whispered, taking a slow sip from his can. He vaguely felt Tai hesitate before he did the same. There was a short moment of silence between them before Tai came out with the next.

"I never felt myself falling in love with someone I really shouldn't, someone I knew would never love me back, someone who'd think it was wrong," Tai uttered as precisely as he could. Both boys stopped breathing for a second as they realised what Tai had said and how it related to themselves. Then, reluctantly, each took a heavy sip, both hoping the other didn't realise it was him they were drinking for, and each hoping it was them the other was drinking for.

Matt's heart began to beat faster as he came out with the next challenge, "I never felt myself falling in love with a best friend," A hot, red blush spread across the boys' cheeks and each was thankful the other couldn't see him. Matt gulped heavily at his drink and felt his stomach constricting in disappointment as Tai didn't take a sip of his. After a silent wait of what felt like hours - but was merely seconds - Matt's mind was flooded with relief as Tai raised his can to his lips and held it there drinking steadily.

_'Is this Matt's way of saying he feels the same?' _Tai thought to himself dizzily, _'Only one way to find out,'_

"I never fell in love with someone in this room," Tai said before guzzling down his drink. He set the can down on the table and watched Matt as the blonde rolled over to face him, placing his can on the floor beside them.

"Sometimes you're so slow on the uptake Tai," Matt smiled. He then pressed his soft warm lips against Tai's lovely tanned neck, before cuddling into Tai's body. Tai wrapped Matt tightly in his arms, kissing his forehead sweetly, overcome with delight.

The boys soon fell asleep, film still playing in the background, alcohol still rushing around their veins, but as they slept, nothing could remove the smiles from their faces.

---

Tai woke up with a stretch and a groan. His eyes still closed, he felt something lying on him. He flashed open his eyes and looked down to see his best friend. Suddenly he felt a twisting lurch in his stomach and pushed the sleeping blonde off him, jumping up and rushing toward the bathroom, not giving himself time to figure out why we'd woken up with his arm around his best friend who'd been cuddled into his chest. He lunged for the toilet just in time, throwing open his mouth as he vomited up last night's entertainment.

"Guess I'm gonna have to cancel my plans again," Matt walked into the bathroom groggily rubbing his eyes, still with a smile faintly plastered to his face.

Tai simply replied with a nod and another deposition into the toilet.

"Easy now," Matt knelt beside Tai and rubbed his back softly. At his touch, Tai began to remember pieces of the night before. He groaned silently and stopped retching long enough to talk.

"What happened last night Matt?" He asked his friend, confusion clearly set in his big brown eyes. Matt was always the one that remembered most, if not all of their drunken adventures. That, of course, never meant he didn't regret it.

"Well, judging by what I woke up to, we drank a hell of a lot, ate a hell of a lot and fell asleep watching TV," Matt side-stepped Tai's questioned carefully.

"No Matt, I mean with us," Tai mumbled, before vomiting once more.

"Right, right, I'm gonna go sort out your usual OJ and toast, okay? Come into the kitchen when you've stopped chucking your guts," Matt stuttered, trying to smile, getting up and leaving the room. He wandered slowly into the kitchen, briefly checking his appearance in the reflective glass front cabinets. Not the best Tai had ever seen him, but certainly not the worst. He quickly fiddled with his hair, trying to stop it looking so messy before making his way over to the toaster. Putting a slice of white bread and a slice of brown bread into the shiny toaster, he sighed to himself. When he'd first woken up and remembered the final events of the previous night he could feel his heart jumping for joy, but as he'd comforted his sick friend, he knew it wasn't going to be that easy between them.

He slowly finished making their hangover-curing breakfast and placed them on the kitchen table. He returned to the seat he'd been in the previous night and put his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands, trying to block out the noises coming from the bathroom. What the hell was going to happen now? If Tai remembered what had happened, which he would eventually, how would he react? Matt's mind trailed off, dwelling on Tai for several minutes.

"You're gonna let your toast go cold," came a harsh voice from the kitchen door, making Matt jump. He jerked up to see a messy hung-over Tai walking towards the table.

"Tai," Matt breathed, "Look, about-"

"About last night? It doesn't matter. I remembered myself," Tai interrupted abruptly.

"Right… okay," Matt waited for Tai to freak out.

"I'm going for a shower," Tai stated dismissively.

"But I made your breakfast!" Matt objected.

"Save it," Tai uttered as he left the room.

Matt stared at Tai's breakfast in front of him. It was bad, it was very, very bad. Tai never turned down a hang-over breakfast, ever, especially with the way Matt buttered his toast just right. Matt hung his head in his hands once more, biting his lip as a distraction from the thought that Tai probably hated him now. This was always the way Tai acted before he really blew up about something. There was always the calm before the storm.

_...to be continued._

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I have to, really, really, _have to_ stop writing Taito. Pah. 

In other news, this is just a two part thing. The second will be up within the week **hopefully**. Please review, it makes me happy.

Also, to anyone who has read my one shot called _Dirty Little Secret_, I'm contemplating writing a full-length sequel about them coming out. If you're interested, please let me know and I'll try and start that within the week.

Thankyou. :)

_-- Even Gods Dream, March 2007._


	2. Chapter 2

**I Never**

Part II: I Never Was Afraid of Something so Simple

Tai turned on the hot shower, letting himself get lost in the steam as the hot water drops pounded down on his nude back. He hated himself for last night, for letting the drink knock down his guard, for letting Matt sleep against him, for practically admitting he was in love with the blonde boy. Of course it was a lie, it was the drink talking, or so he told himself once more. He couldn't be in love with Matt, and Matt wasn't in love with him. Last time he checked, they were both guys, and that was wrong, wasn't it? It was all down to teenage hormones and illegal intoxication. At least that's what he kept trying to convince himself.

"Plus, imagine what it would do to my reputation," He spoke aloud to himself, just to try and persuade himself further, "And besides, it's totally fine being best friends, but we're too different to be… lovers," he uttered, always trying to come up with new excuses. No, he was definitely not in love, he concluded, and he'd set it straight as soon as he could. As he stepped out of the shower and began to dry off, however, he felt a tug at his heart and something inside him was longing to feel Matt curled up in his arms once more.

-

After finishing brushing his teeth and getting dressed, Tai wandered back downstairs and into the kitchen feeling refreshed and less hung over, only to find Matt looking up at him with stressed and tired blue eyes. Tai threw him an unreadable look and strode over to the seat opposite at him, taking a small sip from his glass of orange juice and fingering his now cold toast.

"Listen, Tai. I know you're going to blow up over all of this but before you do, I figure its time you knew the truth. Every word I said or agreed to last night, I meant it. I really did," Matt almost whispered. Tai glared at him, amazed at what had been said. When he was sober, Matt rarely did emotion.

"Yeah? Well you know what, Matt? I didn't! Jesus, I'm not gay! I certainly never wanted that or anything else to happen between us!" He yelled before taking a sip of the orange juice and slamming the glass back down on the marble surface.

"I'd guessed that's what you'd say," Matt sighed calmly, with a look so cold it sent shivers down Tai's back.

"Good. We're friends Matt! _Friends_! Friends don't fall in love and kiss and fall asleep together like that! It was a one-off and it will never happen again! I don't care what you say you feel for me there is nothing between us!" Tai ranted, "And I'd appreciate it if you never told anyone else about it,"

"Right," Matt continued in the monotonous cold voice but inside he was summoning all the courage he had to get this over with, "Of course you realise you're lying, right?"

"**What?** Matt, I am **not **lying. I don't care what you think you feel, we're both boys, and as far as I'm concerned, last night was completely alcohol induced and a big mistake!"

"Oh chill out, Tai. You're acting like we had sex or something! You can carry on pretending last night meant nothing but you forget something Tai, I know you! I know from experience you say nothing but the truth when you're drunk! And I know you wouldn't lie to me like that! And I also know I haven't been imagining those looks you shoot me that say you feel the same! And guess what, I know you're completely reputation centred! Now I completely understand you're scared but sheesh, Tai, get over yourself! You're just too concerned about what other people think! Maybe you need to grow up and accept who you really are!" Matt yelled and strode out of the room, shocked at his own outburst. He walked into the lounge, grabbing his bag and pushed open the front door, striding out onto the quiet street lit gently by the early Sunday morning sun, leaving a shaken Tai sitting confused in the kitchen.

-

What Matt had said really struck a chord with Tai, now he was confused, torn between two parts of his mind. Part of him was screaming that Matt was right, that all Tai cared about was his reputation, the same part knew he really did mean all he had said last night, he'd been fighting it for too long, but he did love Matt. The other part retaliated, trying to come up with any excuse he could, just to salvage his reputation, be it hormones, alcohol or just the fact that they were two guys.

He slowly finished off his cold, stale breakfast, feeling it cure his hangover. His mind carried on bitching and niggling at itself until the first part finally won. He sagged back into his chair. He was in love with Matt, there was no denying that, and Matt loved him too, but where on earth did they go from there? Would Matt hate him now for denying it, for yelling at him?

He stood up slowly, walked into the hall where he pulled on a jacket, then strode quietly out of the house.

--

Matt took his time walking home. Home, in fact was the last place he wanted to be. It was always too quiet and weary on a Sunday morning, at least outside he'd have the background noise of the city passing by to drown out the thoughts of his best friend. After leaving Tai's house he'd begun to doubt what he'd said to Tai, and now he didn't believe it at all. No doubt Tai hated him for it, just like he hated himself for letting go of his feelings. There was a reason he was normally so cold and emotionless, and this was exactly it. He walked slowly through his detour of the park, choosing to stop at a large oak that cast gentle shade and protection from the sun on the ground beneath it. He stepped into the shade and leant back against the trunk of the tree, staring into the lake mere feet away. He smiled softly at the memories he recovered from that spot. It happened to be one of his frequent hang-outs, with anyone, with his band, with his friends, with Tai. He sighed softly, taking out his MP3 player, pressing the headphones into his ears and pushing the play button, letting the music soothe his confusion.

--

Tai strode forcefully through the winding streets, not really sure where he was headed. He was angry at himself, angry at Matt, angry at the world. He hadn't asked to feel this way about his best friend, and he hated the world for it. At least Matt felt the same though; it could have been hell if it was just him. Tai frowned to himself as he mindlessly walked through the park gates, wondering if, after his silly outburst, Matt did still feel the same. He wondered where Matt was now, how he was feeling, but that didn't make him feel any better and so, he switched on his personal CD player, letting the music soothe his anger.

_I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong,  
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy,_  
_And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen,  
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in,_

_May God's love be with you,_  
_Always…_

Matt sighed once more, leaning against the tree trunk. He found himself wishing last night had never happened, that he'd never got drunk around Tai, that he'd never even fallen for him. Everything had been fine yesterday, how come it can take just a few hours to mess up an entire relationship? He slid down the tree trunk until he was kneeling gently on the floor as a lone tear escaped his eye. Tai was everything he wanted; he just wanted him to feel the same, was that too much to ask? Surely he hadn't imagined all those looks him and Tai had shared, but how could he be sure he hadn't just been hopefully imagining them, just been looking for something to believe in?

_May God's love be with you…_

_I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes,  
'Cause when you showed me myself, you know, I became someone else…_

Tai meandered slowly through the park, taking his frustration out on the paving stones and grass with his feet. He contemplated phoning Matt, but decided there'd be no point. If he was going to apologise, he'd make himself grovel to Matt's face. Matt deserved that at least. Matt deserved everything Tai could try and give him, including a change for the better. After what Matt had said, Tai knew he really had to change. Screw his popularity and soccer friends, all that mattered anymore was being true to himself and Matt. As he wandered past the lake and the trees where he so often hung out, he looked up from his scuffing shoes and caught sight of a blonde boy kneeling underneath the largest oak.

_  
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need,  
I picture you fast asleep,  
A nightmare comes  
You can't keep awake  
_

Matt watched as the brunette boy hesitantly walked towards him. He drew in his breath and stood up, pulling his headphones out of his ears as Tai did the same. Matt was all ready for another argument until Tai came closer and he saw a few stray tears trickling down his cheeks, now all Matt wanted was to be asleep in Tai's arms again, away from this nightmare.

_  
May God's love be with you  
Always  
May God's love be with you_

"Matt," Tai whispered as he closed the space between them.

Matt rubbed the stray tears away from Tai's cheeks and waited for the soccer player to continue.

"I'm so sorry," Tai choked out, and just by the guilt and love radiating from his large eyes, Matt knew he meant it.

_  
'Cause if I find,  
If I find my own way,  
How much will I find?  
If I find,  
If I find my own way,  
How much will I find?  
You._

Tai stopped, taking a deep breath before continuing. There was no clichéd way to do this, no rules, no guidance, and no way he could do it without ruining his reputation. He had to find his own way this time, not follow the footsteps of the other kids at school, and just hope that at the end, Matt would be there for him, accepting his apology and returning his love.

_I'll find you…_

"I didn't mean it, not a word of it," Tai continued.

"I know, I know," Matt smiled, wrapping his arms around the toned brunette's body.

"I never ever wanted to hurt you," Tai admitted calmly, returning the hug, and this time there was nothing for him to drink to hint he was lying, "I love you,"

"I love you too," Matt whispered, making Tai's heart light up.

_I don't know anymore  
What it's for  
I'm not even sure  
If there is anyone who is in the sun  
Will you help me to understand?_

A sharp exhale of air escaped Tai's lips, shooting into the embrace. Matt pulled away to look at the other boys face.

"What's wrong?" The musician uttered.

"I never thought it would be like this. I just, don't know what to expect. Everything changes from here on in, doesn't it?"

_  
'Cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need,  
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for  
Any more than me _

"Yeah, everything changes. Tai, believe it or not, I'm no expert at this either, I don't know what to expect, but we can face this together. That's the point of it all isn't it?" Matt philosophised, albeit briefly.

Tai nodded in response, as a smile graced his soft red lips.

"Good," Pale lips whispered, before attaching themselves to the opposite red ones in a brave kiss. Together, the boys tasted heaven, and it never felt better.

_  
May God's love be with you  
Always  
May God's love be with you…_

--

Two boys stood romantically entwined beneath a tall oak that shaded them from the Sunday morning sun. They were best friends, though you wouldn't think it to look at them. Now they were much, much more.

_**The End**_

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Cheesy much? Whay, check the parallelism at the end there linking it with the start of part I.

Song is In The Sun by Joseph Arthur, which I do not own, as do I not own Digimon. I could own Matt and Tai, in fact they're locked away in that wardrobe in my brain... I don't actually own THEM though.

Dirty Little Secret sequel is up by the way, considering I mentioned it last chapter.

Um yes, hope you enjoyed, and reviews are especially appreciated.

_-- Even Gods Dream, 2007_


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